Single White Female.....the Return

Did you say you were from Hattisville or Hades….ville?

One of my best friends periodically opens herself up to the insane notion of bringing in a roommate, and let me tell you every one of them is a story in and of themselves. Her newest one is a compulsive liar and probably just plain psycho. Pigs blood anyone! She is in her mid-forties, I say that not to make 40 something old, but to point out that she should have her sh*t together by now! She is in a very unstable industry, I won’t say which I want to give her some anonymity – not that I didn’t just out her with the age thing, but acts as though she is still rockin it! If you are rockin it girlfriend you pay the rent!

So her first month in she tries the check is in the mail thing….news flash blondie your landlord is your roommate! Oops, “I mean that I wired the money into your account.” You do not have the account number. “Oh yeah I mean I dropped it off at your bank.” Again you need an account number. “Crazy me I will have it for you tomorrow.” Tomorrow turned out to be at the end of the month. Ok that takes some real cajones there! I shouldn’t have knocked the blonde thing most of my girlfriends are blonde (For the love of J I live in California this state keeps bleach in business) and they are highly intelligent women.

So it gets even better, when my friend confronts crazy girl about being late with the rent and tells her, “though you just paid for last month you have to pay for this upcoming month tomorrow or I will have to evict you” the girl has the nerve to looked shocked and confused. You see while she has been lying this whole time, she has also been Chatty Kathy, acting like there is nothing wrong. Seriously psycho, most people would at least feel a bit bad and try avoiding their landlord while they are ditching their rent payment. Not this lovely lady she is your best friend, I told my friend to lock the door while she is taking a shower…seriously.

Our blonde bombshell also had the nerve to tell my friend that of course she would pay the rent, I mean like oh my God seriously! Then she threw out, “And while we are on the subject of need to do’s, you know you need to be a better roommate and take out the trash more…thanks.” Right here is about when I would have thrown her off the 2nd story balcony. I may be a bit like the hormone induced homicidal maniacs in Capri pants mentioned in the earlier post, just a tiny winy bit.

So one more lie not that I’ve told you half of them yet, but she said that she wasn’t a smoker. You guessed it she only smokes a pack a day now, well that just doesn't even count I mean like really. On her long smoker walks she has had time to meet all the neighbors and become “chummy” with them. So much so that she has the nerve to berate my friend for not being a more sociable home owner. It's called having a job and a life, really appreciate it if you could get both, you know like now!!

Now the topper is that miss superstar roommate is now part of the neighborhood block party committee or something. What was that movie….you know the one about the roommate who changes her appearance to look exactly like….oh yeah!! Single White Female. I think we just found the sequel.